Sassy Puppy

Bedtime pics

For some reason, mom and dad like to take pics of me sleeping a lot, so I figured I should post some of them.

 

Sometimes I have to jump on mom's face to wake her up.

If she still doesn't get up, I try the gas cannon tactic. It's a sure way to get her out of bed!

Is it Christmas?

My grandpa Steve gave mom a cool red chew toy for us to play tug of war with. It makes a tinkle sound. It made me so excited I followed mom around jumping up for it.

The dogs next door were jealous :)

New Toys!

Mom and dad came home from Grandma Geri's house and look what she got me!! Legend and I played with the baseball today and I love it. I can't wait to play with the other toys!! Look at the cool mug she got mom. It's got a picture of a Boston on it. Mom drank some hot smelly black stuff from it today.

Legend just went home and I am sad. :( He was a cool dog and i wish he could live here.

Special visitor!

This weekend I made a new friend. A friend of my mom and dad stayed with us and brought Legend who is a really big dog and super cool. We played a lot but I think I made him mad a few times.

I told Legend about the aliens and the squirrel spies and how Ike is a mercenary vampire squirrel and Legend said he would help me protect mom and dad while he was here. He is super cool and I want to be just like him when I grow up.

Fact File

I don't know how long it will be before the aliens make their attack. In the mean time, I should catch you up with all the facts.

The Scene

This is my home. The picture was taken when mom and dad moved in over a year ago, so imagine the house with more weeds and less flowers. Notice the gnomes in the front yard. They can't be trusted.

The neighbor to the right has a dog named Frankie, so he's cool. The house on the left, however, is suspected as being a front for harboring and breeding aliens. It is too dangerous to investigate.

The Key Players

Me. Marshall. The hero. Defender of the homestead. Protector of mom and dad. Took a vow to destroy all aliens. Weaknesses to exploit? Not gonna tell you that! The aliens have Internet too you know, duh. Weapon of Choice: Built-in gas gun.

The aforementioned Frankie, (full name Frankie Blue Eyes) a hubba hubba Siberian husky. Can I trust her? She is a dog, which generally means yes, I can trust her, but this Russian beauty could be a spy. A man must always beware of beautiful women with accents, especially those who can run faster than you. Weapon of choice: Hypnosis. Weaknesses to exploit: Eating a treat in front of her makes her crazy.

The squirrels. Too quick to be captured on film. Can I trust them? NO. They spy for the aliens. It is A FACT. Weapon of choice: None, they are sissy spies. Weaknesses to exploit: They always run. Name calling is the best offensive. "Tree rat" and "nut licker" seem to be the most effective.

Ike, the Chinchilla. He was mom and dad's first pet together. Then came the rabbit, then the birds, then me. There were some gerbils and a lizard mixed in there too, but they aren't with us anymore. Ike is bitter for having to share mom and dad with so many pets. Can I trust him? No. He is a squirrel vampire and works for the aliens. Weapon of choice: Uncomfortable silence. Weaknesses to exploit: He has OCD and if you sprinkle dust on the ground he will roll in it no matter what. This is a good way to escape from his evil vampire clutches.

The rabbit (real name "Copper"). Lives inside in a cage but is allowed to play outside sometime. Can I trust him? Probably. He doesn't have a long tail and he hates Ike too. Offensive move of choice: Cute bunny bite. Weaknesses to exploit: Easily swayed with flattery.

The inside birds (real names unknown). Can I trust them? The birds have never talked to me, so I don't know what their angle is. They make a lot of strange noises, so I'm suspicious that they are really robots. Offensive move of choice: Seed flinging.  Weaknesses to exploit: The sound of water running makes them scream.

The "garden gnomes." Can I trust them? No. They are alien cultists and refuse to acknowledge me. Alien cultists wear pointy hats as a symbol of alien tails and their long white beards are a symbol of the shaggy underbelly of some aliens.Weapon of choice: Polka music. Weaknesses to exploit: Telling them that according to their symbols, their faces are supposed to be alien butts.

The aliens must be stopped

I think I've got it figured out. The squirrels are working with the aliens. Squirrels climb trees and aliens climb trees. I think that's how they met.

How many times have I been let out for a potty to see a bushy tail disappear behind a tree or the shed or even up our own house? They sit at the windows during the day and spy for the aliens who are "nockternul." Mommy says nockternul is when you only play at night and sleep in the day, like a vampire. Ike is nockternal and he makes a lot of noise at night when I am TRYING TO SLEEP. Ike is a chinchilla and looks like a fat squirrel. Hrm. Maybe he is just a vampire squirrel.

WAIT

If squirrels are working with the aliens who are nockternul vampires and Ike is a nockternal vampire who looks like a squirrel, that means that Ike is a MERCENARY FOR THE ALIENS! ANDthey all have long TAILS, like the devil who has a long tail.

Ike, that bastard. I should have know he would turn against me. The rabbit doesn't have a long tail so I better hold a secret meeting with him to form a plan.

BABY ALIEN PICTURES!!

So many times, I tried to warn mom of the aliens that lurk outside our front window, but she just tells me to "hush." Well, I've found pictures that show that they are real, and if that isn't horrifying enough, it appears that humans are breeding them!!

At this secret gallery, I found dozens of pictures of the baby aliens. I must warn you they are very scary so don't look if you are easily frightened.

I showed my mom and she said "how cute" which really scares me because that means the aliens have got to her. I'll have to watch her very carefully when she fixes my food. I hear aliens will try and make you eat something called a "hartworm pill" and then worms will grow in you.

Can you do this?

I can touch my tongue to my nose.

I can also touch my tonge to my butt but mom refused to take pictures of that...

I like poo

I like to eat poo. Even dried-up week-old poo. My mom yells at me when I eat poo, and sometimes I throw up after eating poo, but I don't care.

Hiding in the couch!

Mom hasn't been letting me on the couch lately, so last night I hid behind one of the sofa cushions hoping she wouldn't see me.

But she did

So I pretended like I was hiding only to jump out and be cute. My plan worked. I was cute enough to get lap access for a little while.